I had a lovely night((: thank you

Lately Ive been trying my hardest to let go. Of all the lies you made up, of all the trust that i have put on you. For what seems clearer to me now, as much as i would love to not admit, that you did came back just to get back at me. I just wish for all the years i have been with you, you saw how much i loved you. but hey, nothing ever last. and when I’m gg through this with you, I remind myself that I have been through this before with smone else. So much so you might say you’re not the same as him, truth is, you are. If not, things wouldn’t end this way. What more can you say? That i am the same as the rest of the girls you’ve ever been with? Maybe. But i know that if you try to point fingers at me that i was unfaithful or untruthful, here’s what you ought to remember, that i chose you over my best friend, that i once deleted all the guy friends i had in my Facebook just so i could earn your trust, I even changed my phone number so that people can’t find me cause you hated the fact that ppl were finding me. I abide to your every rule when you told me i couldn’t walk at haji lane or go to taka alone. I always waited for you to be free and id go with you. I try my best to always be there for your physiotherapy, and every time if you needed to go to SGH for your heart scan. even when you were getting your head checked. 

When you got your first tattoo, i still rmbr clearly, the night before you texted me telling me you love me so much. and the next day i woke up so happy. we planned to go study together. i made my way to red hill so happily, so i could see your face. Then we met, and you told me bout the drawing on your thigh, you lied to my face knowing that i knew it was a real tattoo.and i cried so bad, and i asked you is that why you texted me what you texted me last night, and you said yes. Yes because you were so afraid to lose me because you love me so much but you were afraid that one mistake like that could cost you of losing me. But i stayed didn’t i? No matter how hurt i was, i told myself that the tattoo shouldn’t define what we have shared. I loved you still no lesser than i have always loved you but greater. 

For every time you tell yourself i wasn’t there for you, when your day was tough in camp, I’m always there texting you to help you get through your day. Just wanna make sure that you’re not gg through it alone. and when you always just walk out on me, I’m always there just finding you back. I never left. I sat outside your place i didn’t care it was raining, but i just sat there. called you so many times just to say sorry but the next day i found out you were out with her. and during at night before i went to bed, after you threw me arnd your house the other day, I wished you goodnight and that i wish the person i fell in love with was there to save me. Sometimes i do wish you didn’t say sorry and just left it as it was. and I was so busy saving what we had that i didn’t see you were planning on a breakup. 

Ive been having dreams of you. Every of which always of sweet memories and happy moments we shared. and it breaks me cause i know you’re so far away now. The only reason why to your eyes I’m moving on too fast, is because, I’ve been hurt far too much and too long. Even you admit so.Im really trying to find your hand in amidst of all the crowd, You told me if we fight, you asked me not to go away, asked me to stay, I’m staying but you’re drifting away. For almost 3 years, I am your girlfriend by status but I’m always your second best. I wished you would come back. I love Remee Eremeel. Not Pwdrfl Koujin or elrfxd. I love remee eremeel. I wish you’d come back :’| 

I hope you be miserable your whole life. May you fall flat on your face on the ground, completely bruised and beyond repair. And when you try getting back up, i hope that everyone steps on your head and that no one will extend out their hand to help you up. Because when everybody else fails on you, i was always there but you let your friends ruin what we have. You fucking let them do that. Oh, im not surprised, you are always the bull that has a ring on his nose, and youre just gg anywhere theyre pulling or pushing you. I just really wish you fall so badly maybe bleed til near death and come back begging for me on your knees. Cause i fucking hate you now. I was nvr this girl. I was always on the bright side the one that you fell in love with. But true what you said. YOU turned me into a monster and you did nothing to calm me down. Youre so fucking selfish. So much i wished you wld just fcking lose your useless friends, just be that remee i fell in love with you will never come back. You let your friends get you. And they got you. Wait til theyre done playing with you.

If its so easy for you to move on then i guess its fair that i should say this. Its really stupid to say sorry for being physically harsh to smone you love and then just not make up for whatever you have done. I wish youd hit me harder and at least theres smth that i can hate you for and forget you.

And the only reason why i think so fairytale like its because you told me to never think negatively and never lose hope. Maybe i shld just let go of everything and let you be on your own. Then maybe if youre so happy with your new found life, i salute you and i wish you all the happiness you can ever have.

Lets just admit this. Though i was that dream girl you told me I was, the one that youd love no matter what and the one that i was your never dying light, i am always your second best. And i am never gonna be good enough for you. No matter how sorry you are for being phsically harsh with me on that particular day, i will never ever forgive you. Because although you came back, and told me how hurt you were abt how ive been on my own and you blame yourself for that, you never made any change to make sure that i know you love me. You were busy with all other girls while i stand there before you just waiting to hold your hand. No. Just waiting for you to just hold me in your arms. And never let me go. Instead, you mock me of being a fairytale. That i am being unrealistic. I rather be a fairytale than a person who lies about their love to smone else. Esp when she has given her whole heart and soul just for you. You always wanted smbody in your life that wld never quit on you, you got her. But youre busy looking elsewhere. You want prettier girls whom are cool with tattoos. You told me i must never get one and if i do, i shld just regard you as no one. Now im telling you, even when my skin is clean without any tats, im already no one to you. So it doesnt matter whether i get it or not. I hope she makes you happy always. I dont doubt that because i see so much of myself in her.